June 07, 2010

My Choice

We had a bad day. All day I kept thinking "It will get better. It has to get better. I will MAKE it better." But the bottom line is that, from beginning to end, it was a bad day. At least one of the twins was crying for most of it...and in all fairness a cried a few times too. I felt like a tremendous failure in so many of my responsibilities and various areas of my life. But most of all, it was a bad day because my babies are hurting, and this makes them cranky, and I cannot find a successful way to get rid of what's hurting them, and I feel like I should be able to soothe and heal them, and even the things I do that are (or SHOULD be) healing hurt them and make them cry, and this all makes me cry. So we had a bad day.

BUT, attitude is a choice. And when I look back on this day I DO NOT want to only remember that we had a bad day. So I am actively and persistently choosing to be positive, and to help with that, here are the things I am choosing to remember about this day:
  • The fog on the lake this morning. How great it felt to start the day with a swim. The duck that swam near me.
  • The amazing time I had with Kelsey (more on that to come), and the wonderful friend I have in her.
  • All of Allie's cuddles. She's going through a mommy faze, and while I know teaching her independence from me is important, I also know that she won't want mommy cuddles forever, and I'm cherishing EVERY ONE.
  • How much Ryan loves Baby Music Time. We've dropped the morning nap and replaced it with Baby Music Time and he laughs and giggles and plays so sweetly. I love it.
  • Allie running to my arms for a hug. It's her favorite new game - stand from a distance and run, run, run for a hug - and mine :)
  • Ryan waving at every car that we passed on our walk. Sure they missed the wave because he waited until they passed, but I got to see him, and it was adorable :)
  • FINALLY figuring out why Ryan always points to the same house and says, "ball," when we pass by (they have one of those shiny, colorful, decorative globes in their yard).
  • Allie making faces at me during bedtime. Cute, silly faces.
  • Ryan kissing everything - his favorite characters in books, his giant stuffed penguin, his favorite toys....
  • Allie's floor dancing - sometimes she lays on the floor and moves her arms and legs in very ballet-like poses. I swear she was born a dancer.
  • The twins playing chase with each other, and giggling and falling on the ground.
  • Holding both twins in my lap and having story time. I cannot get them both to sit still and share my lap long enough to get through one book unless they're feeling crummy. Today we got through 3!
  • That no matter what, when I start singing "If You're Happy and You Know It" they stop whatever they're doing (even crying or throwing a tantrum) to clap their hands.
  • Already prepared, frozen grilled chicken breasts to quickly microwave for our dinner guests when we had problems grilling the fresh, marinated ones we planned on having.
  • A husband who sends me to the couch to rest for the evening while he cleans the kitchen.

Tomorrow is a new day - just waiting for memories to be made. I am choosing now to let the great memories of the morning swim propel me out of bed in the morning. I am choosing to hold out hope that my children will wake up tomorrow morning with perfectly healed bums, that there will be no screaming, that we will enjoy a wonderful day together, that I won't have to choose to see the positive things in the day because there won't be any negative. But I would appreciate your prayers just in case it turns out to be another day like today...


the monkeys' mama said...

oh no! are the kiddos sick again?

I had this day today, too, i swear. Cate is sick and sad and a wimpering sad sack that laughs one minute and then CRIES HYSTERICALLY for the next 5. It's so sad. Lots of hugs Lots of GRACE lots of Redos.

I love your attitude (my mom always reminded us that our attitude was a choice. It's attitude not aptitude that brings you altitude in life. Oh my--see what our kids will remember?!?!)

here's to tomorrow!

Anonymous said...

Is there something in the air today. Cousin Cuppycake has an ear infection and suffered a temperature today also. My heart hurts when I hear that my special grand babies are hurting. I wish I had the sore bums instead of them and the temp and the ear infection. I want them to just keep dancing and laughing. Prayers for everyone tonight and hopefully a better tomorrow. Monkey Mama.. prayers for your babies too. Hugs from Up North Nana

Anonymous said...

I didn't know you sounded good this am. they still have sore bums whats up with that its been awhile. so how did nap time go then I was thinking about all of you and wonderring how it went. will pray more and hugs and kisses all around lots of love from Gigi and Popa

Kim said...

This morning has been much better. Their bums look better. The BRAT diet is helping with the poopy problem. I don't think they're sick...I think it's an allergy...and now I have to figure out to what. But the good news is that already today has been amazingly better than yesterday - not a single tear! Thanks for the prayers!