My Choice

We had a bad day. All day I kept thinking "It will get better. It has to get better. I will MAKE it better." But the bottom line is that, from beginning to end, it was a bad day. At least one of the twins was crying for most of it...and in all fairness a cried a few times too. I felt like a tremendous failure in so many of my responsibilities and various areas of my life. But most of all, it was a bad day because my babies are hurting, and this makes them cranky, and I cannot find a successful way to get rid of what's hurting them, and I feel like I should be able to soothe and heal them, and even the things I do that are (or SHOULD be) healing hurt them and make them cry, and this all makes me cry. So we had a bad day.

BUT, attitude is a choice. And when I look back on this day I DO NOT want to only remember that we had a bad day. So I am actively and persistently choosing to be positive, and to help with that, here are the things I am choosing to remember about this day:

• The fog on the lake this morning. How great it felt to start the day with a swim. The duck that swam near me.
• The amazing time I had with Kelsey (more on that to come), and the wonderful friend I have in her.
• All of Allie's cuddles. She's going through a mommy faze, and while I know teaching her independence from me is important, I also know that she won't want mommy cuddles forever, and I'm cherishing EVERY ONE.
• How much Ryan loves Baby Music Time. We've dropped the morning nap and replaced it with Baby Music Time and he laughs and giggles and plays so sweetly. I love it.
• Allie running to my arms for a hug. It's her favorite new game - stand from a distance and run, run, run for a hug - and mine :)
• Ryan waving at every car that we passed on our walk. Sure they missed the wave because he waited until they passed, but I got to see him, and it was adorable :)
• FINALLY figuring out why Ryan always points to the same house and says, "ball," when we pass by (they have one of those shiny, colorful, decorative globes in their yard).
• Allie making faces at me during bedtime. Cute, silly faces.
• Ryan kissing everything - his favorite characters in books, his giant stuffed penguin, his favorite toys....
• Allie's floor dancing - sometimes she lays on the floor and moves her arms and legs in very ballet-like poses. I swear she was born a dancer.
• The twins playing chase with each other, and giggling and falling on the ground.
• Holding both twins in my lap and having story time. I cannot get them both to sit still and share my lap long enough to get through one book unless they're feeling crummy. Today we got through 3!
• That no matter what, when I start singing "If You're Happy and You Know It" they stop whatever they're doing (even crying or throwing a tantrum) to clap their hands.
• Already prepared, frozen grilled chicken breasts to quickly microwave for our dinner guests when we had problems grilling the fresh, marinated ones we planned on having.
• A husband who sends me to the couch to rest for the evening while he cleans the kitchen.

Tomorrow is a new day - just waiting for memories to be made. I am choosing now to let the great memories of the morning swim propel me out of bed in the morning. I am choosing to hold out hope that my children will wake up tomorrow morning with perfectly healed bums, that there will be no screaming, that we will enjoy a wonderful day together, that I won't have to choose to see the positive things in the day because there won't be any negative. But I would appreciate your prayers just in case it turns out to be another day like today...