Bedtime Battles: The Sleeping Warrior Awakes

It's been so long since we've had a bedtime battles post, and I figured that our sleep woes were over. I am so naive.

We enjoyed, for roughly 4 1/2 months long, full nights of silent slumber, and days with regular peaceful breaks as babies slept like perfect angels. We joked about how the time when they didn't sleep almost seemed like it didn't happen because they slept so perfectly and routinely now. When we laid them down there was the occasionaly crying, but, for the most part, naps and bedtime were easy.

During this time I would talk to other parents or read books about sleep habits and found consistently that there were problems connected with teething and mobility. Typically, babies start waking during the night & having trouble falling asleep during this time. Some parents reported to me that their children (anywhere between 10-15 months) were still waking during the night. Others told me how difficult it was re-training their children. "Not mine," I thought. Surely these other babies were not sleep-trained like mine. Surely my superior sleepers would never have a problem, and if they did, surely I had laid the foundation for a smooth and easy transition back. Ah, how big the fall that comes after pride!

I would occassionally have a pinging of knowledge that there was the possibility that we could have trouble...and I would pray for Ryan. Ryan was ALWAYS the one we had trouble with when it came to sleeping. Allie was always my angel sleeper - barely even needing sleep training...just needing her brother to be quiet. And so I would pray that Ryan would continue to be a deep sleeper so we wouldn't have to deal with these problems. My prayers were answered...just not in the way I wanted.

As you may remember, Allie was the first to gain mobility. It started simple, she would wake around 5 am and practice moving and playing in her crib. We didn't mind so much. She rarely woke Ryan, and she was usually quiet enough that Lucas and I were able to get a little more sleep before our usual 6 am start. Then she started moving and playing in her crib instead of taking a nap. Then teething started (and they got sick), and she started waking up during the night. No problem as it was only temporary (we assumed). Then she started being able to stand, and suddenly our sleeping routines changed to her quietly lying down and going to sleep to her standing and crying forever. Then we had a string of company and we traveled. Less willing to let her scream until she fell asleep (and not wanting her to wake anyone up during the night), we got very lenient about going in and rocking her...in a very short time we have had disastrous consequences.

Once again she is sick (and so I hesitate to let her cry for any amount of time as that triggers the coughing), and Lucas and I are in a hard place as she expects to be rocked to sleep EVERY time we put her down. Not only that, but she is impossible to transition to her bed once she is asleep, and so we spend an extra 5-20 minutes singing her to sleep and then trying to quietly sneak out of the room (she has ears like a cat!). If she awakens and discovers we are not there she starts screaming (and I mean SCREAMING), and does not stop until the whole process has been repeated again. This usually happens several times a night...It's even worse if Ryan happens to wake up (a rare occurrence, but it happens) at the same time that she wakes up (and if it happens, it ALWAYS coincides)...imagine going back and forth between rooms/babies rocking and soothing one, laying them down to go to the other, and then going back...

Now here's the thing. I KNOW this can't last forever. I KNOW that there are few (if any) teenagers who still require their parents rocking them to fall asleep. I KNOW this time is fleeting. But in the midst of a housefull of sickness (where there is another baby who is wanting some additional cuddling as well), when I am not feeling well, and when all of the preparation for a large move looms before me, I must confess I am not handling it well. In fact, my husband has bore the brunt of multiple melt-downs when Allie refused to sleep.

After the last one, he volunteered to go in and rock her (and hold her during the remainder of the nap-time), and let me have some time to myself. During this time I turned to the bloggy world and stumbled across this blog and this post. The post talks about her first fight with her husband in front of her children...while they are taking a long trip all cooped up in a van. In it she says, "I could feel the stress of the day rising up inside me, but I chose not to give it to God." I was so convicted. I allowed the stress of relatively minor situations not only affect me, but I exploded that stress all over my poor husband - who was trying to be helpful - in front of my poor, over-tired daughter. I was ungrateful and mean. And I didn't even think about the possibility of giving the stress to God. Not once. How awful that I should read that phrase on the blog and think, "what a novel idea!"

Then, as I was putting the twins to bed, I read a story out of the Jesus Storybook Bible (which we LOVE. If you don't have it buy it. Even if you don't have children...buy it for your nieces and nephews, or grandkids, or neighbor kids, or future kids, or yourself because it is fabulous!). It was the story of Jesus calming the storm, and after everything is quiet Jesus turns to his disciples and asks "Why were you scared? Did you forget who I am? Did you listen to your fears instead of me?" Again, I was convicted because when the babies are sick, I let my fears spin out of control and take me with them. I worry about everything. EVERYTHING. I worry that their sickness will turn into something really terrible. I worry that I'm not making the right decisions. I worry that something will happen in the middle of the night and I'll sleep through it. Whatever sleep I might get in between their middle-of-the-night bouts of illness is usually stolen from me as I lay in the dark plagued by my fears. I found myself almost in tears as I prayed for forgiveness for getting caught up in the storm around and me forgetting that I (and my babies) are in the hands of the God who created all things, who controls all things, who is stronger than all my fears.

I am partly writing this for documentation (yes, Allie, someday you will know that you caused many sleepless nights and long days), and partly to share my sleep struggles with other moms (because I know I'm not the only one), and to share how God has used unsuspecting sources to convict me of His power over all situations. We've been able to have some better days. Not because Allie is sleeping (she's most definitely NOT), but because I am trying to continually pray to God to give me the love and patience to deal with the circumstances. And I am reminding myself that these days are short. There will come a day, all too quickly, when my little girl will have no interest in snuggling up with me for a nap. And then I know I will look back longlingy on this time...well...parts of this time!

Note: Since I didn't have ANY pictures of Allie sleeping (although, not surprisingly, several of Ryan...) I decided to use pictures from tonight when BOTH babies woke up an hour after going to bed (and were not both asleep until 1 1/2 hrs. after that). Why? Because when life hands you lemons (a.k.a. 2 screaming, unhappy, unwilling-to-sleep babies) you make lemonade (a.k.a. use the opportunity as a photo shoot to have the perfect "in-theme" photos for an already written blog post). I'm probably a bad mommy for stopping to take pictures before trying to soothe them to sleep...but right now I'm too exhausted to care!

Pancakes & Bubbles

Ah, glorious Saturday. The day I waited for all week. Every difficult day that I was home alone with the twins I told myself to hold out for Saturday because on Saturday I wouldn't be alone. Every other day of the week I spend the majority of the day alone with the babies (which is normally fine, but when we're all sick it gets a little more difficult), but Saturdays Lucas is home and it makes everything so much easier!

Friday night was a rough night (Allie's cough woke her up frequently through the night - about every 2 hours - and Ryan woke up once and had trouble getting back to sleep), and I really wanted to somehow make Saturday memorable for something other than sickness and sleepless nights. The problem was that none of us felt up to going anywhere, and I wasn't sure what I could come up with that wouldn't require too much energy (because Lucas and I were pretty wiped). Then it hit me - Saturday morning pancakes!

Pretty much every Saturday morning Lucas makes pancakes for the two of us. This has been a fairly long-standing tradition - one that I adore. We usually eat breakfast after the twins are down for their morning nap, but this morning I thought that we could all have pancakes together. So, Lucas made blueberry pancakes and we all gathered around the table (around 1 corner because I'm still trying to put away my Christmas decorations - I know, I know...a little late - and they are currently taking over most of the table), and ate breakfast together! It was the twins' first time ever having pancakes, and they seemed to really like them (it was the most Allie has eaten in days!). It was the beginning of our new tradition - Saturday pancakes as a family!

Later in the day we pulled out our bubble gun. Not for the first time, but we haven't used it in a while, so it seemed pretty novel. The babies had fun trying to "catch" the bubbles, and loved seeing the air full of bubbles. Unfortunately, Ryan got tired of them popping on his head, and was finished with the whole bubble thing after not much time. But, it's good to have another distractionary trick to pull out when needed!

I have hope that we're on the upswing. While no one is necessarily sounding better, the babies seem to have more energy and I'd like to believe the coughs are getting more sporadic. Regardless of whether or not it's founded in reality, I have hope that the end is near. And this hope is enough to help me push through!

A Not So Fun First

Yesterday the babies were prescribed their first antibiotic. I apparently took them into the doctor about a day too early...the next morning Ryan's cough had settled into his chest and turned croupy. I still held off calling back (because our actual pediatrician is on vacation and we were using the on-call pediatrician), but by Wednesday morning not only was his cough worse, but I could hear every breath he took as it rasped in and out. By this time, Allie had also developed a cough. I called the pedi, and he immediately put them on an antibiotic. Both of them (since he figured that if he waited for Allie I would just be calling him in a couple of days to get one for her).

Even though I know better, I was sort of hoping they would wake up this morning miraculously better. They didn't. Ryan woke up the same (at least it wasn't worse!), and Allie woke up worse - with a consistent, deep, rattling cough. This afternoon they will have been on it for 24 hours...and I'm hoping that tomorrow I will maybe see some signs of improvement... In the meantime, Lucas and I are also battling an upper-respitory something. I'm not sure if it is the same thing the babies have (although the symptoms are the same), or if it is the result of little sleep. Time will tell I guess. Thankfully, it isn't so debilitating (like the stomach bug) that I have difficulty taking care of the babies.

I have also started letting the babies have a little floor play time after each nap. I wasn't doing this because they would speed crawl in laps and get all excited, and then cough, and then cry, and then cough some more... But, after a day where they clearly let me know they were tired of their exersaucers and the same 4 Baby Einstein movies all day, I decided to work in some play time. They still (Ryan especially) end up hacking and wheezing after just a few minutes of play, but we are all much happier in general. We also got some more movies from the library (thanks to my wonderful husband), and it has helped having more variety. I think that, once they are better, we are going to have several days where we don't use the exersaucers or videos at all to detox...and I think we will all be happy with that!

The babies are still surprisingly joyful in the midst of feeling crummy, which has been an amazing lesson for me. And I am working on enjoying every minute with them...even the stressful, sleep-less, sick ones.

Note: Because I couldn't find my usb chord for the camera, I'm publishing this a day later than I intended, but that means I can give an update on today! Ryan woke up sounding a little better (I think...), but Allie woke up sounding worse. I think it was because we let her sleep in the guest room with us - the dryest room in the house. Bummer.

Big Announcement!

It's official. The church voted (unanimously!) to call Lucas to be their pastor! We have prayed all throughout the process that God would VERY CLEARLY show us where He wanted us. Previously, He very clearly closed doors, and we wondered what it would look like when we found the right place...would doors simply remain open, or would He give us clear signs? We think the vote is a very clear sign :)

The church

Another clear sign? At the end of our house hunt we narrowed it down to 2 houses. Neither was perfect. Neither had all of the space or the layout that we wanted. But the locations were perfect, and with some work on our part we could make them the ideal homes. So we scheduled one last walk through. Just before we left, our realtor asked us if we wanted to look at another house, listed by another realtor in their office (and near the other 2). Why hadn't we looked at it before? Because it was roughly $40,000 out of our budget. But, apparently, the listing realtor had thought this was the perfect house for us since she had first heard about us, and thought it was always worth it to at least put in an offer even way below asking price. The worst they can do is say no, right?

We agreed to see the house, and really loved it from the moment we walked in (although neither of us got too attached because we knew there was no way it could be ours...). The bedrooms were huge (Ryan & Allie can share a room and still have so much space), it was the only house with a specific dining room (if you've seen our honking table, you'd know why this is a bonus), lots of entertaining space, and a finished basement (the one thing the other houses were lacking) - with a spare bedroom, a hobby room, and a room that can serve as the kids' play room (finally, a place for toys so they don't completely overtake every other space in the house!). The yard is a little small, but there is the potential to purchase part or all of the empty lots on either side in the future! We decided that it was too perfect not to put in an offer, offered what we could afford (actually, we left a little wiggle room for a counter), and then talked about what we were going to do in our "real" house (the house we were going to put an offer on when this one was rejected...the one in our budget!). We both said the only way our offer would be accepted would be if God really wanted us to have the house.

48 hours later I got the call that our offer was accepted. There wasn't even a counter! Lucas and I are still in shock.

Our house.

The babies' room

The Master Bedroom (yes...it has 3 closets!!!)

The living room

The kitchen & dining room

And so, with confidence, Lucas and I are preparing to follow God's calling to Michigan (I'm not going to specify the exact location, for some privacy sake, but if you know us, don't know where it is, and want to know, feel free to ask). We are excited, and sad. Moving is always bittersweet. It's like finishing a really good book...you enjoyed every minute of it, but it had to end...and there is another great book just waiting to be read next!

And a baby update. Sickness still reigns in our household. I wish I could say it's getting better, but actually, each day they wake up a little worse. I'm looking forward, with eager expectation, to the day when we wake up and I can say definitively that they are getting better and the end is near. I went to the doctor and found out...nothing. Basically, this kind of thing (cold-like in nature) frequently goes into bronchiolitis or a similar illness, but they aren't at that point yet, so there really isn't anything medically that can be done. So we're continuing with humidifiers and simmering pots of VapoRub water, baby tylenol (since you can no longer give any sort of cough syrup to children under 4), mesh teethers filled with ice (to soothe sore throats), and LOTS of tv (which kills me, but it's the only way to keep them confined. When I let them down to play they get worked up and start coughing, which makes them cry, which makes them cough more...).

Our mini-miracles? Last night Lucas had the brilliant idea to go and buy a second monitor (we had been separating them to keep one baby's coughing fits from waking up another, but since they are so hoarse I can't hear them at night I had been sleeping on the floor of one baby's room...which we found was generally just causing them to wake up more...). This meant that I got to sleep in a bed (for the first time in a couple weeks) with my husband. Granted we both were up with babies at some point during the night (Lucas more than I because I'm getting sick and he wanted to try to help keep me healthy. Bless him), but the sleep was heavenly for me!

I Knew it was Too Easy

You may have noticed that every time we have come home from a trip to MI the twins have gotten sick. Every time. In fact the only times they have been sick in their short lives have been after our three MI trips. We have traveled with them to other places (like NY and Sandy Island...where we stayed in a cabin that didn't have heat!), and they didn't get sick, but the MI trip gets them every time.

This time I really thought I got lucky though. While it was a miserable ride home, by the end of the next day the babies were back to normal. Lucas and I had a miserable night and day, but by Friday we were all healthy and going strong. "That was the easiest illness yet," I thought gleefully, "Perhaps it gets better each time!"

And then, Friday evening at bedtime, it happened. Ryan coughed. There was nothing particularly special about this cough. The twins cough all the time - they get dry throats, they get giggling and forget to swallow, they breath in dust because mommy has forgotten to clean, etc. But, for some reason, this cough sent a chill running through me. I just felt it was the beginning of something. And then, Allie wouldn't sleep. She kept waking up, screaming. Lucas got home around 9:30 that night and I had just finished eating my dinner after putting Allie back down for the 3rd time that night. "What is up with her?" Lucas asked. "I don't know, but I don't think she's feeling well. AND Ryan coughed," I replied. "So what? They cough all the time," was his casual response. "I know, but I think something is going on," I said quietly.

Friday night I woke up several times to hear Ryan cough. Nothing major. No hacking, or wheezing. They weren't even coughing attacks. Just a few isolated coughs. But, somehow, they sounded ominous.

By Saturday afternoon Ryan had a full fledged cough that would sometimes turn into small attacks, and Allie's sweet little voice had turned raspy. Mommy predicted correctly that something was up. And so, Lucas and I didn't get much sleep last night. Each of us was responsible for a baby. Lucas ended up "sleeping" sitting up on the couch with a fitful Allie resting on his chest while I slept on the floor in the babies' room armed with a sippy cup to tame Ryan's middle-of-the-night coughing fits. Today I have a pot of water with some Vicks VapoRub simmering on the stove (as well as a crock pot of the same potion simmering in the living room in a safe, out-of-reach spot), every humidifier we own running, and sippy cups constantly within reach to offer parched babies fluids. I am trying to decide whether or not they warrent a phone call to the pediatrician today (Ryan's cough keeps getting worse...) or if it can wait until tomorrow morning...Not only is this definitely not the easiest yet, Ryan's cough and Allie's raspy - and I assume sore - throat (neither of which we have experienced before) have me more on edge than I have been with any previous illness.

On the up side, the babies are surprisingly cheerful in the midst of their sicknesses (which is an amazing blessing), and they have gotten into a few adorable antics (as you can see from the pictures). AND, we are completely caught up on ALL of the laundry! While that may sound like a small thing, it is daunting to return home from a trip and face the mountains of laundry that come out of the suitcases. Top that off with plenty of vomit-covered extras (like car seat covers, coats, and unexpected multiple changes of clothes) and a whole day lost due to sick parents, and being caught up on the laundry is nothing short of a miracle! And in these sleep-deprived, worry ridden days to come, I'm holding on to every miracle that come my way!!

Michigan, Categorically Speaking

Our trip is a bit of a jumbled mush in my mind because we packed so much into our days. So, to help organize the mish mash, I'm going to divide our trip into categories...We'll see if that helps!

Baby Time:

The oddest/most difficult part of the trip, for me, was that I spent very little time with the babies. I knew this going in, and I was VERY thankful that my mom and Aunt Phyllis volunteered to come and watch the babies while Lucas and I were out and about. I think it's safe to say they enjoyed their time (although I was never there, so my pictures are few). Some of the things they mentioned they enjoyed: Ryan warming up to and going through the crawl tunnel, Allie's adventurous antics, babies biting (not funny...but also a little funny), moving, giggling, playing. Both babies, especially Allie, loved Logan and Mindy's dog Jack. Allie would just follow him around and giggle at whatever he did. Both babies, especially Ryan, loved Aunt Phyllis and playing fun new games (like "Buckety, Buckety"). I was sad to be away so much (and consequently am really enjoying my time with them now that we're home), but they had a great time!

The babies chasing Jack - he was probably thrilled when we left!

We discovered that reading on the potty is a habit that apparently starts very early...(she is so going to hate me for this picture someday, but I thought she looked so cute!)

House Hunting:

Lucas and I spent a LOT of our time looking at houses. We got in Wednesday night, and Thursday morning we left for a full day. Between Thursday and Friday we saw 17 houses! There were several that we really liked, but were ruled out for one reason or another (too far away, floor plan not practical, etc). We saw some that were a little odd (like the master bedroom with a sink and toilet in it...no separation, just a sink and toilet hanging out in the bedroom! Or the one where one of the bedrooms only had a half-wide doorway to the hall - we had to turn sideways to go through! Or the one with the tiny kitchen, dining room, and living room, but a GIANT hot tub in the middle of the family room...). Ultimately we found a few that we felt were real options, so we looked at them (and another one that was added last minute) on Monday. By the end of Monday we were ready to put in an offer (contingent on Lucas getting the job, of course...but we wanted to get the ball rolling). Updates on housing will be forthcoming...

Which of these 3 could be our
future home? (Family with inside
info do not get to guess!)

Family Time:

I already mentioned that we were super blessed to have my mom and aunt drive out to help with babies, but we also stayed with Logan, Mindy & Harper, and Lucas' parents came out for the weekend. So we got to see a lot of family during our trip. We had lots of fun times like playing "What's Yours Like" with everyone (At one point we all were laughing so hard we were in tears...which has happened every time I play that game!), our girls afternoon out to get pedicures, dinner the last night with my mom and aunt, and just hanging out and talking and laughing. My friend Michelle also came over again...and again we forgot to take a picture! It was so great to spend time with so many people we love, and it made us more excited to move closer to everyone!

Cousin Cuppy-cake

Ryan shows cousin Harper how to work the music table.

The babies with my Aunt Phyllis - a veteran mommy of twins who has teenage twin girls (as well as an older daughter who is a senior in high school, and her youngest who is on the brink of teen-dom)!

The Church:

The main event was Lucas candidating at the church. Partially because this is a big step in our church search, and one that we have been hoping for and waiting for forever. And partially because this church is full of people we love and we were so excited to see and talk to people we haven't seen in years! Lucas preached on the Good Samaritan (a sermon I have heard before, but managed to get something out of the second time around!). The service was great, and it was wonderful to catch up with people (and scary to see how much the kids have grown up!). Regardless of what happens, we very much enjoyed our time on Sunday.

The church meets on Sunday (the 24th) to vote on whether or not they would like to call Lucas as their pastor. We are prayerfully awaiting to hear! I think the suspense might have been difficult to bear...but getting sick certainly helped take our minds off the passing time! Perhaps the stomach bug was actually a blessing in disguise?

Update

Last night Lucas and I were overtaken by the nasty bug. The good news is that this viscious illness seems to be short-lived (based on the twins - who seem to be perfectly back to normal - and Lucas - who is about 5-6 hours ahead of me and definitely feeling 5-6 hours stronger). We are, however, in survival mode today as 2 under-the-weather parents try to care for 2 healthy babies.
Small (but huge) blessing: The babies slept through the night last night - which was good because Lucas and I spent the entire night vying for the bathroom, and I was constantly afraid that the babies would need us and neither of us would be strong enough.
Bummer: Now that I've felt this sickness, it kills me to know how miserable the babies must have felt on the way home. They handled it much more cheerfully than Lucas or I have.
I know we would appreciate your prayers!