Monumental Moments

There are some moments in parenting that are monumental. They melt your heart so quickly, and stay branded in your memory forever. These are the moments that make every bad moment (such as the dozens of poopy diapers I've changed over the last few days, and the lack of sleep from several weeks of sick babies) totally and completely worth it. Some examples of these moments include their first smile, their first giggle, the first time you hear "mama" or "dada" - whether or not they are actually saying it in reference to you!

I have been dreaming of the day when my babies would reach out their arms to me. When I would pick them up not just because I needed to get them to do something, but because they showed me they wanted me to pick them up. Every time I get them from their cribs I try to get them to reach for me - but all to no avail. They reach (eagerly) for their bottles, they reach for their toys, why wouldn't they reach for me?

Then, 2 days ago, we were on the floor playing when suddenly Ryan turned and reached his arms out to me. My heart stopped. Was this the moment I had been waiting for? I couldn't help but think that maybe it was a fluke - he did the right thing, but without necessarily meaning to. But the next day (when Lucas was there playing with us) he did the same thing! In fact, he has now reached out to me several times, and Allie followed suit this morning!!! Unfortunately, I still cannot get them to reach out to me when I go to get them from their crib - apparently holding onto their blankies is still more appealing than mommy. But now I at least have hope that the day is coming soon!

Oh, a cuddle is more sweet when your baby has reached out and asked you to pull them close and cuddle them. I love it!

Rapid Change

It always seems to me that I'm waiting forever for a milestone to be reached, and then all of the sudden they reach a dozen at once and I am overwhelmed by the rapid change. That has been the case since the wedding.

"No! It's Mine! Gimme, gimme!"

It's amazing how young they learn the concept of "mine." Already the twins are very possessive of their toys...and desperate to take those of the other. The other day daddy was watching the babies and I was in another room. They had just finished eating and were playing in their booster seats with toys that we had attached to their buckle (after picking them up 50 million times, we finally got smart enough to use the links to attach them...). Lucas let me know that he needed to use the bathroom, but knowing that they are usually fine for short times, I didn't rush in. That is until I hear Ryan let out a piercing scream. I went skidding into the room - expecting (based on his scream) to see him hanging halfway out of the seat, or blood everywhere. Instead I saw him in a death-grip battle with Allie to keep the toy his sister was trying to take away from him. I pulled their chairs far enough apart so they couldn't reach each other, but every mealtime since Allie strains at her seat to try to grab Ryan's toys...

Finger Licking Good

I was holding off trying finger foods with the babies. While other moms reassured me that they were probably ready for cheerios or small bits of soft foods, I just couldn't believe that it was possible that my babies were old enough. Then I was feeding the babies sweet potatoes and Allie spit a small chunk onto her tray. I watched as she reached out, picked it up, and popped it back into her mouth. I was astonished. She was amused by my surprise. So, I got some Gerber puffs (recommended to me by an OT who works with feeding issues in preemie babies), and they have become a regular part of our daily meals. Although they don't get all of them in their mouth every time, they usually at least get them close!

Baby Music Time

The babies had been on a 3 nap a day schedule for a while. I know it sounds crazy, but I couldn't get them to stay awake long enough between naps to lengthen the day to a reasonable bedtime without a third nap. While we were in MI for the wedding, they started to show that they could go longer, and so we started a 2 nap schedule once we returned home. They've done very well, but there was one day that they weren't feeling well, and had woke up early from their morning nap. They started to get fussy and so, thinking it would be a 3 nap day, I laid them down. Amazingly, both of them played quietly (and happily) in their cribs. When I went in to get them (after it was apparent they were NOT falling asleep) they were refreshed and happily stayed up until their normal naptime (1 1/2 hrs. later!). Now, my dear friend Kim does what they call "Baby Music Time" with her 2 kids. Every day, for 15 minutes or so, they go to a quiet place (for our babies it is in pack n plays in separate rooms), they get a few quiet toys and books, you turn on soothing music (we use praise baby cds), and you leave them alone to play. I have watched it have amazing results with her kids throughout the years, and knew I would do it with Ryan & Allie at some point, but hadn't decided when. This seemed like an obvious sign that perhaps it was time. The babies love it and an added bonus is that they get all of the toys to themselves! They absolutely LOVE any time where they can play without the stress of guarding/hoarding the toys around them.

They are growing up so fast. As we approach the holidays I am very aware of how quickly the next few months always fly...and once we've entered into the new year there is not much time before the twins turn 1 - something that I cannot fathom being so close. While I love each new phase, I can't help but mourn the one they've outgrown...Based on how much I cried when we put their bouncy seats in storage, Lucas is starting to stock up on tissues now for their first day of school!!

Loralee's Wedding: Part 4

I know as the bridesmaids were lining up there was a feeling of anxiety and excitement. Anxiety as we worried that we would trip walking down the aisle, excitement as we looked at Loralee (who was absolutely glowing, she was so happy) getting ready to walk down the aisle. It was one of those moments in life that happen in slow motion...just before someone hits the fast forward button.

Loralee getting ready.

All of the sudden we were walking down the aisle, and then we turned and watched Loralee. I must confess that I usually don't cry at weddings, but I struggled to hold back tears as I saw Loralee coming down the aisle. Partly because I was so ridiculously happy for my dear sister-friend. But also because I suddenly imagined Lucas walking down the aisle with Allie, and while she is a tiny baby now, I know it will feel like we blink and we will be there.

The girls of the family.

The wedding was absolutely beautiful, but I must take a moment to totally brag about my husband (even though the wedding was not about him...). It was his first wedding, and it was his sister's wedding, and he carefully prepared his first wedding homily. If I may say so myself, it was fantastic. He talked about the various models of love for a marriage - the "me" (what's in it for me), the "we" (we do it all 50/50), and the "he/she" (sacrificing self to make the other happy) - and how all of them ultimately fail. When you're in it for yourself you will always be disappointed (and that isn't really love anyways). When you try to do everything 50/50 there are always going to be times it doesn't work...and you're always going to feel like you're doing more than your fair share. And when you try to do 100% for the other, you will eventually burn out and feel bitter. Ultimately, the only way to love is "THEE." Loving God with your whole heart and self, and loving your spouse with God's love that flows through you.

Grandma & Aunt Minnie - seeing them dance, I'd swear they're younger than I!

I couldn't help but think, as my husband was talking, that this talk was so much more suited to couples married for a while...with children...like us. Because, as I listened to him I saw in myself how I have loved in all three models in the recent past. It was such a good reminder to remember the miraculous grace that God has for me, and to model that in my love to my husband (knowing that I am far from perfect myself...I forget that a lot). And while I don't usually cry at weddings, I couldn't hold back the tears as I listened to Lucas talk because I was so incredibly convicted by my husbands words, so fabulously proud of his well-delivered, insightful message, and so completely in love with him.

The Chicken Dance - classic.

For me, after the wedding was a blur. My main focus was seeing my babies (who I hadn't seen all day - I thought the night of the rehearsal was hard!), and then getting them back and to bed (my parents took them). After that we ate, we danced, we quickly went around to say hello to as many people as we could, and then we went home and collapsed into bed. It was such a fabulous wedding and reception.

Congratulations Grant & Loralee!!

Loralee's Wedding: Part 3

Rehearsing the moment he's been waiting for since he heard "It's a girl."

Weddings are all about the anticipation - you hear they're engaged (YAY!), you wait for the date to be set, you hear the various plans, you go to the showers (not me, I was too far away - tear), you wait for the date to arrive and time moves so slowly - until the last few days. The last few days go by in such a blur that suddenly you're wondering what happened and how it is possible the wedding is over.

The bridesmaids (with me behind the camera & Rosey - Maid of Honor - still coming down the aisle)

Sister-friends

Mindy, Loralee, & me

Thursday was a blur of people arriving. As I mentioned earlier, family started to pour in that day, as well as all the bridesmaids. It was the beginning of a million joyful hugs (which should be the title of any gathering of family & friends...). Friday seemed relaxed until the last few hours before the rehearsal when there was a flurry of people getting ready (ok, so it was mostly the women who were flurrying). I was especially flustered as I prepared to leave my babies for the evening (yes, I left them in the capable hands of my parents - but I haven't left them much, so it was still a little hard).

Lucas rehearses marrying his sister...

The rehearsal was surreal. At the rehearsal you were suddenly struck with the feeling that the much anticipated event was actually here. Lucas was officiating the wedding. It was his first wedding, and as such this was his first rehearsal. He learned a few things - if there is a runner, always have the people who will unroll the runner practice at the rehearsal & no matter how many times the mothers successfully light their candles before the wedding, they will have trouble with the candles during the wedding (I think it is a law of physics or something). Important lessons.

The moms practice lighting the stubborn candles.

We woke up bright and early the morning of the wedding and the girls all got ready to go and get their hair done. The mood was festive & fun at the salon - lots of stories and laughing. I must confess I thoroughly enjoyed the girl time - away from the babies. The mood started to turn a little worried as time started to pass. The guys who were doing our hair were perfectionists...which meant that they spent a lot of time on each girl's hair. By the time they got to the last bridesmaid, it was an hour after we were supposed to be at the church...and about 30 minutes after we were supposed to have started pictures. The good news is that these things happen, and everything always works out (which it did). Ultimately, I think we all enjoyed the pre-party.

Mama Miller & her girls.

The bridesmaids get in touch with their wild side.

Rosey gets her groove on at the salon.

And then there was the final rush before the wedding - those last few hours where everyone is putting on dresses, taking pictures, touching up makeup (obviously I spent my time with the girls, not the guys...). And then it was time to line up for THE WEDDING!!!

All she needs now is the dress!

Loralee's Wedding: Part 2

The ultimate highlight of the weekend was, of course, the wedding. Only slightly less was the opportunity to see family & friends - many of whom we hadn't seen in a LONG time.

Nana, Papi, and Aunt Loralee met us when we arrived. This was a monumental visit for Papi because it was his first time holding the twins (he wasn't feeling well when he came out after the twins were born, so the NICU recommended he keep his distance). For one day they had Nana & Papi all to themselves and then Papa and Gigi (my parents) came to watch the babies while the rest of us were at the rehearsal and wedding. Logan, Mindy, and Harper arrived next (our first time meeting our niece - she's so adorable!!!). After that the family poored in - Great Grandma Dunsmore, Aunt Darlene, Uncle Pat, Great Grandma Diller, Auntie Rosey. And then, of course, they made the rounds at the wedding (and I couldn't tell you who all they met because they were with my parents, but my guess is that they pretty much met everyone...and for those who didn't meet them at this wedding, Logan's is coming soon!).

Holding Harper for the first time!!

Ryan & Auntie Rosey

Allie & Great Grandma Diller

Lucas and I relished the opportunity to be with our family. The most difficult part about living so far away is being so cut off from the lives of the people we love. We met sweet Harper for the first time - she was almost 3 months old. We hadn't seen Logan and Mindy in over a year, and we hadn't seen aunts, uncles, and cousins in a little over two years...too long. Lucas and I both lamented that there wasn't enough time to really spend the quality time with everyone that we wanted to. But we were thankful for every minute we had. One person I was especially thankful to have so much unexpected time with was Mindy. The entire time she & Logan have been together we have lived out here, so we've never had many opportunities to hang out. But, since we both had babies we tended to stick around the condo more and I left truly feeling I had a new friend - and wishing even more that we lived closer.

Of course, after all of the hellos came all the goodbyes. They basically happened in reverse order - many aunts, uncles & cousins we only saw at the wedding. My parents left the morning after (tears), Grant & Loralee and Logan & Mindy left in the afternoon (more tears), and we left Nana & Papi Monday morning (still more tears). The comfort is knowing that we will see everyone again soon at Logan and Mindy's wedding!

Since we've come home:

So, both babies have been sick since we've come home. They came home with colds (part of the reason Ryan screamed in the hotel...stuffy nose, couldn't breath). The colds stuck for an amazingly long time (which is apparently common for first colds in babies?). Then, as the colds moved out, a tummy bug settled in. Today I had my fewest poopy diapers of any day this week - only a combined total of 6. Every other day this week has been in the double digits :( However, the twins have been shockingly joyful throughout the illnesses (Lucas and I act worse when we're sick!), and I keep trying to praise God for the bugs because they are building antibodies in my babies. Sick now means healthy later (even though it takes a lot of sickness to get to the fully healthy...)

Lucas & Harper, Loralee & Ryan, Logan & Allie

Loralee's Wedding: Part 1

So a full week with family & friends celebrating such a special event cannot be covered in one post...so here we go!

It might sound crazy to start with the trip there, but let's face it...travel with twins is half the adventure! We decided (due to all the gear that babies require) it would be easiest for us to drive...17 hours...through Canada...over 2 days. People looked at us like we were crazy, but every time I considered all of the logistics of travel it seemed like the least stressful way (and having done it I still think it was...which is good because we're doing it again for Logan's wedding!).

The drive there was easiest - they started to lose it on the drive home (we'll say that they were just sad to leave). Without going into every detail of every mile, here were some of the major events/highlights:

- Books on tape to keep Lucas and I so thoroughly engrossed that the miles/hours flew by

- New/not seen for a while toys that calmed many storms

- Kind people along the way who provided hot water to warm bottles and fresh ice to keep waiting bottles cold.

- multiple diaper blowouts that resulted in full wardrobe changes on the way there and back (something that hadn't happened in months!).

- The twins' first international experience - which they mostly slept through...at the border one officer said he had never seen 2 babies be so quiet!

- Watching So You Think You Can Dance Canada at the hotel.

- Discovering that Singing, or even humming, "Head & Shoulder, Knees & Toes" stops the crying!!

- Singing "Head & Shoulders, Knees & Toes" for 15-30 minutes at a time...multiple times...

- The familiarity of Michigan. Even the roads are different. It felt so wonderful!

- Pacing the hotel room trying to calm Ryan who screamed for an hour in the middle of the night at the hotel on the way back...praying none of our neighbors called security!

- Fleeing the hotel early in the morning (we were up at 5) because we just wanted to get home.

- Stopping at all but 2 service stations on the way home for: driver changes (because we were so exhausted from being up with Ryan), scheduled feedings, & emergency diaper changes (most of them being false alarms...but we had already stopped).

- The wonderful feeling you have when you arrive at your destination - whether Michigan or Massachusetts.

Since we've been home:

The twins are now sitting up on their own! They generally can go as long as you might want them to go (although flopping back on the pillow I keep behind them is a game they like to play...). This combined with their amazing ability to balance and reach toys around them has made play time easier for mommy...except when they take toys from each other...

Storytime

Sorry for the long absence. First we were away at Loralee's Wedding (Wedding posts will come - we wouldn't skip over this important event), and then we got home and both of our computers died. Actually, our desktop got sick (a thermal event...), and the laptop battery died, and due to a short in the place where you plug in the charger, it refuses to be revived. So, I've been a little cut off, but our desktop is healed and we are back. And now, a few stories to fill in the gaps:

Rollin', Rollin', Rollin'...

Perhaps it was an expression of independence after being held so much by loving family, but the twins' mobility suddenly increased when we got home. A few days after we returned, I left Allie on the floor while I changed Ryan. I looked to check on her, and she was several feet from where I put her, facing a different direction, on her stomach, pulling yucky things off the carpet & sticking them in her mouth (note to self: start vacuuming more!). And since I was changing Ryan, I couldn't leap over to stop her. Later that day, I laid Ryan on the floor to play while I changed Allie - who surprised me with a particularly nasty diaper. I was just diving into the mess when I heard Ryan cry out. I turned and he wasn't there! He cried out again and I turned farther to see that he had rolled all the way across the room almost under his crib. He was fussing because a rather thick board book had stopped him from rolling under the crib (note to self, find something to store under the crib so I don't always have to climb under to get my rolling babies)! Instead, I watched him scoot himself halfway under our blue rocker and start to suck on the fabric that was hanging down (EW!). And because I was changing Allie's rather messy diaper, I couldn't jump over to stop him. They are devious little beings, aren't they?

Artistic Expressions

I noticed that, whenever she could catch me not paying attention during mealtime, Allie would reach for the bowl and quickly dump its contents on her tray. If she managed to get this done before I noticed, she would joyfully spread her mush all over. This gave me an idea! When I worked in activities, we would often finger paint with pudding. It was an activity for our lower functioning residents who no longer were able to hold a brush and who had a tendency to put things in their mouths. It was more about the sensory experience than the art - and it seemed like it might be something I could do with the babies. So I stripped them to their diapers, taped some paper to their tray, dumped some mushed peaches (which I thought might give a nice color), and let them go to town. I learned a few things: Allie LOVES messes and making them. Ryan does not. Messes make him mad. Wasting food makes him mad as well. He knew peaches were for eating and he was devastated that they were being mushed around on a tray. He, however, was not beneath wiping them on his sister. Perhaps payback for making such a mess with his beloved food?

Voices in the Monitor

I know what you're thinking. We've heard this story before. You're going to think I'm super crazy, but the voices in the monitor are back and it is not just a baby crying! For a few weeks I would wake up during the night and hear music playing softly through the monitor. I would get up and go check (assuming some toy had somehow started playing), but I could never hear anything once I got to the babies' room. Once, when I went back to bed, I heard it again. Usually, all was quiet the rest of the night. This happened several times, usually around the same time of night. Also, several times I woke up during the night convinced that I had heard a man's voice. I would try sending Lucas out to check the house. This often made him mad, though...so I learned to get brave enough to check myself. Nothing. Ever. Strange. Last night I was home alone with the babies when suddenly I heard a woman's voice loud and clear. I looked and saw the monitor lights jumping. It was coming from the babies' room! I jumped up and dashed to their room...nothing. The whole rest of the night I was on edge. What was going on? This morning I was watching Regis & Kelly when I suddenly heard a man's voice loud and clear. Again I saw the monitor lights jumping. Then a woman's voice answered. I ran to the the room and there was my answer. See, the homemade noise machine I made with my digital recorder only lasted 1 hr. & we often found ourselves needing more time. So, we found a radio station with fuzz and we would use that. Apparently, the radio randomly picks up nearby stations for extremely short amounts of time. Since it's at the far end of the AM spectrum, it's anyone's guess what we might pick up. Usually talk (thus the voices), but I'm guessing they have a show that plays the same song in the middle of the night (the music I hear). Now, I'm not going to lie - it still freaks me out a little. But I am now committed to finding a real sound machine - not one that is homemade with crying babies, not one that might pick up nearby frequencies and freak me out in the middle of the night - one that plays simple white noise and that's all!!